We're delighted to be joined on the Frolo blog today by Divorce Coach Jenny Procter.

Going through a divorce can leave you feeling mentally battered. You focus on the practical arrangements and making sure the children are okay, but it often feels difficult and heavy. If you and your ex had been together a long time, it can be draining working out who gets what from the house. Negotiating the financial settlement can feel unfair and deciding who has the children on which days is upsetting – or maybe the divorce has left you completely solo parenting and you are exhausted from planning and doing it all.

I see clients feeling all of these heavy feelings, and I went through this myself. But 7 years on from my own divorce Iife is bright and the future looks brighter. So how do you get your sparkle back? I’ve got a 3-step plan that I work through with my clients which might just help you too.

Find joy in the little things

After something as significant as divorce, I think it’s important to start small. The idea is to find lots of little things that make you smile or bring a little joy into your day. Need a few ideas? How about treating yourself to new toiletries, adding some spring flowers to your weekly shop or buying new bedding. Maybe take an hour for yourself in your favourite coffee shop to read a magazine and enjoy the moment.

If your budget is tight, find a podcast that makes you smile or inspires you or get out in the fresh air. I find a walk by water or in woods in any weather can bring me joy, particularly if I pay attention to the detail of the plants and birds around me. Music can be a powerful way to boost your mood, so make yourself an upbeat playlist to tap into at any time of the day.

Dig out the scented candles that you were given for Christmas and actually light them. Find the item in your wardrobe that makes you smile and wear it. Don’t save things for best – now is the time to bring all the moments of joy into your life.

Make time for fun

Post-divorce is the best time to increase the levels of fun in your life and it’s a great antidote to the challenges of divorce.

Maybe your friends have been there every step of the way or maybe it’s been hard to see so much of them during the divorce process. Either way, it’s time to see more of your friends. You get to decide who and when – maybe you need a big night out with lots of people or perhaps meeting your best friend in your favourite lunch spot is going to help you get that sparkle back. I don’t recommend spending time with anyone you know will want you to share all the details of your break up, or give you unsolicited advice. 

Some days it’s not possible for me to get out and see my friends, I’m at home with my children and so are they. But a quick text conversation is a great mood booster and reminds me I’m not on my own.

This is also a great time to try new things that you might find fun. A new hobby can be a great way to make a shift and also meet new and interesting people in your life. And try doing some fun things on your own to push yourself a little and grow your self-confidence. From dinner out by yourself to a night away, every time you do something for yourself you are reminded that you are worth making an effort for. I’ve taken myself out to Sunday lunch, been to the theatre and even jumped on a plane for a weekend in Europe since my divorce and they have all helped me rediscover my sparkle.

Sometimes we put our interests on hold in a relationship so if it’s years since you played a sport or an instrument, or you have always wanted to discover a place but could never get your ex to go with you, go for it! 

Start to plan your future

Once the dust has settled on your divorce, your future can look quite different. No longer are you going to be with the same person into your retirement, and while that can feel scary it also comes with huge opportunities to plan an exciting new future.

Whether you always wanted to start a new business or planned to move house, live abroad or own a dog, you only have to get your own permission. You may find that once you have come through divorce you feel unstoppable! If you can cope with that, you can handle pretty much anything life throws at you. Even if your life needs a level of stability because your children are still living with you, you can take small steps to get to that big change. Do the research, plan the trip and save the funds you will need to achieve your dream.

I worked with a client who had planned to travel but put it on hold when she got married. Twenty years later, the spark was still there, and she left our call planning how her travels might look once her teenagers were independent.

Divorce can temporarily dull your sparkle, but there are many ways to get it back – how will you find yours?

If you are getting divorced and need some help to get your sparkle back, get in touch with Jenny Procter, Divorce Coach at www.jennyprocterdivorcecoach.co.uk or follow her on Instagram @jennyprocterdivorcecoach